9. If the first ten or so shots from your handgun didn’t kill it, the next ten really aren’t that likely to either. And if you throw the gun at it afterwards… then when the thing finally kills you, it counts as natural selection.


16. Reading ancient books silently in your head can be a great way to learn about monsters and how you might potentially defeat them. Reading them aloud is a good way to call down the end of the world.


53. One thing you might try is just to kill everything you see. If you do this, you’ll either a) be a kind of antihero that eventually kills the creature, serial killer, whatever or b) you’ll actually be the evil in the movie, in which case you’ll probably die in the end, but what a ride! And if people like your style enough, you’ll probably get resurrected somehow for the sequel.


85. Even if no one asks you, find the time to say your full name. If the audience only knows your first name, you have a good chance of being killed right beside one of the main characters so that they can run away. If people don’t know your name at all… just start writing up your will.


14. If you ever see Sam Neill… just run screaming in the other direction and try to warn others, because no good will come of this. It may already be too late, but you can still try.


15. Listen to the background music. Be especially aware of these occasions:

a) If the music starts to get somewhat eerie and frightening, just start running away, until it becomes happy again. Repeat as necessary.

b) If the music gets very intense for several seconds, then cuts off, duck! Even after the cat or dog comes out of whatever’s rustling, stay down and remain alert and ready to run.

c) If the music becomes a heavy techno song, just stay where you are, channel the supernatural powers that you have for some reason or other and start kicking ass!